


The 5 Sundays that Josh was there for Tyler and the one where he wasn’t

by bgsbgsbgs



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4013104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgsbgsbgs/pseuds/bgsbgsbgs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shadows will scream that I'm alone/To you a kitchen sink is a kitchen sink</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. How Josh found out a little bit more

The 5 Sundays that Josh was there for Tyler and the one where he wasn’t

“Sundays are my suicide days”  
1.  
Fuck. He was drunk, wasted, off his fucking face. But it was okay because today was an ‘everything’ day. He could hear the storm outside his bathroom window, raging furiously and destroying everything in it’s path, I think his English teacher called it ‘pathetic fallacy’. Yeah, pathetic was the word. 

The blade fit in his hand, perfectly. Not too light, not too heavy, comfortable. Not too warm, not too cold, comfortable. Not too blunt, not too sharp, comfortable. In fact, he’d even gone so far as to believe it was lucky, taking it with him everywhere he went. The last time he left the house without it, he had a severe anxiety attack in the middle of town, crying like that in front of strangers was a big no-no in his book. Let’ s face it, it was the only home comfort he needed. 

He grinned dreamily at the red ribbons he had sliced into his wrists, thighs, hips, and pretty much every surface that could be cut into: he grinned, excited to add some more. Fucking hell, he needed this right now, needed to watch all the bullshit in his life bleed away, cry all the rivers he could, but first....this migraine, piercing daggers into his skull. Was there even enough paracetamol in the world?

“FUCK” he exclaimed as he stumbled towards the medicine cabinet, poured out about 15 or 20 aspirin and downed them with sink water. “Fuck...fuck....fuck”. 

He curled back onto the floor and began ‘painting his pictures’, as he had been telling himself. About 20 minutes later, his phone rang. 

“I’m bored, come over.....I miss you, I’m lonely....”. It was Josh, they’d been friends for a couple of months but had gotten really close in the last couple of months, when Josh explained exactly how fucked up his life was. Tyler, Tyler had stayed silent because, he was really fucking emotionally repressed. But, god damn him if he didn’t think he was as cute as fuck. 

“Hey....I don’t feel so great....kinda light headed” 

“Do you want me to come to you?”

“Nah, it’s cool...I’ll come to you” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, give me a couple minutes to get ready”

“All right....”

After poorly bandaging his wounds and pulling on a pair of worn jeans, Tyler hurried to Josh’s house, in the pouring rain. After a couple of minutes of jogging, he was at his door. 

“Oh, Jesus. Ty, you look terrible”

“Yeah. I love you too”

“No....I didn’t mean....”

“Look, I accept that I’m ugly...yeah” 

“Jesus, no Ty you are so beautiful.....you know that right? You couldn’t believe that you are in anyway ugly”

“Way to cover your ass”

“What is with you today? Jesus, just come upstairs okay.....we need to get you out those clothes.......so wet......Tyler..........you are so wet”

“Don’t taunt me” mumbled Tyler. 

“Come on, Ty” 

Josh sat him down on the bed. “Is everything okay with you?” 

“Yes” snapped Tyler

“Hmmmm” uttered Josh in a i-so-don’t-believe-you-and-i’m-plotting-to-drag-the-truth-out-of-you kinda way. “Take off your shirt”

“Buy me dinner first”

“Take it off, you’ll get pneumonia”

“Please don’t make me”

“I’m not, I’m asking... 

“Please, I don’t want you to see”

“What are you hiding?” 

“Look, Josh...I’m sorry....it’s just....please just leave it alone yeah”, Tyler was on the brink of tears by then. 

“Yeah, alright....here” said Josh as he handed Tyler some dry and warm clothes “You know where the bathroom is”

“Thanks” muttered Tyler sheepishly. 

A couple minutes later, Tyler emerged. 

“Can we talk?” muttered Josh. 

“About what?” 

“You know, Ty”

“Please, please leave this alone” Tyler whispered as he started to make for the bed. 

“Hey” exclaimed Josh, as he grabbed Tyler by the wrist. Tyler screamed out in pain and Josh pulled back his hand, only to see it was tainted with blood. 

“Oh, Ty...look”

“No, no...Josh please just don’t” sobbed Tyler weakly as angry, hot tears streamed down his cheeks. “Please, don’t tell anyone”

“Pull up your sleeve....show me, I wanna see how bad it is” 

“I’m sorry, I’m ugly okay”.

“You. You will never be ugly okay. You are so beautiful”

“Stop it”

“Just show me” 

“Oh fuck, Josh, I think I’’m gonna...” Tyler ran to the bathroom and heaved into the sink. 

“Ty, you’re gonna be alright, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere” 

Tyler vomited on and off for about ten minutes. 

“Josh, I’m scared” 

“Look at me, Ty...so long as I’m here....you are okay....oh shit, Ty, your nose is bleeding quite a lot, lemme get you a tissue”

“My head, it is agony...I really can’t”

“Hey, now....I’m gonna get you cleaned up, do you think you are done vomiting for the meanwhile”

“Yep” 

Tenderly, Josh dabbed a flannel against all his reopening wounds; pressed a tissue to his nose and gently rebuilt him in the only way he knew how. 

“Thanks” 

Josh, instinctively grabbed him into a tight hug. 

“You, we, are gonna be okay”


	2. Gas Station Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadows will scream that I'm alone/To you a kitchen sink is a kitchen sink

2.  
“I’m sorry” sobbed Tyler, hands shaking too much to even hold the phone“I’m scared and everything hurts and everything aches and it is all, everything....I can’t stop shaking.” 

“Hey” exclaimed Josh. “I’m gonna find you, just sit tight....yeah I’m here for you....don’t do anything reckless yeah”

“I’m really scared”

“Where are you?”

“Toilet....gas station” 

“One down your road?”

“Yeah....I’m sorry...Josh.....I shouldn’t have called, you are busy and stressed and I’m really not helping....I’m not worth all this effort.....you should just leave me be, because one day I will actually find the guts to do it, I know I will, and you are gonna be the only one who cares and I don’t want to hurt you like that....I can’t...I really....I’m just so fucked up....and I want to make it stop....I want out and you’re keeping me here and I don’t know if I hate or love you for that” wept Tyler despairingly.

“Ty, stop....now....I really mean it.....shut up....okay because I love you, I fucking love you man....and if anything were to happen.....if you ever....” Josh said, now also sobbing “Please, just stay and I can talk with you....I love you...you’re my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without you” 

“I know....too fucking much” 

A couple minutes later, Josh found him, curled up on the floor, sobbing profusely. 

“Ty? Ty, look at me....okay...I’m here....I’m here”

Tyler raised his chin so his tear filled eyes met with Josh’s   
“I’m here”

“No....no....no......no.....Josh.....I’m....I’m fucking everything up for you.....I fucking love you....I fucking....I’m a curse....a fucking plague.....okay?....do you understand now.?.... I am toxic and I am ruining you....and.....and I....I can’t.......can’t take this anymore.....” 

“You....you are fucking amazing Ty, you are so strong....so strong....okay and brave and kind and caring and clever and beautiful and just so many things. You are so wonderful, you make me proud that I am a person that you think is worth having in your life, worth opening up to.....I am so happy that I am a part of your life and you mine....the fact that you feel like this.....it makes me respect you even more and I seriously think that other people will feel the same, I know it Ty” 

“Josh, I don’t want to kill myself....but I really want to die” 

“Ty, I can’t lose my best friend”

“I know. I am sorry....I am sorry....I’m sorry....I’m so fucking sorry for everything”

“Don’t be....I would do it all again....just....” uttered Josh as he embraced Tyler into a protective hug. “You didn’t cut, this time you called me”

“But I have cut every other time....Fucksake....I’m so pathetic”

“No....you aren’t I’m here whenever so...this can be the start of something new....something better” 

“I don’t deserve better....I don’t deserve you....”

“Yes. You really do.....you deserve the best things imaginable okay” 

“I don’t but....”

“But nothing Ty! I adore you”

“Please....”

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere....especially when we need each other so much like this”

“Promise?  
“Promise!”   
And Tyler sobbed late into the night in the arms of Josh.


	3. The Club

Okay, mystery pills and unsafe sex were the way to go right? You don’t feel anything when you’re high and anything will do, he just wanted to be high. No, it was wrong....honestly he wanted Josh but he had promised himself he wouldn’t bother Josh anymore...he needed to deal with this alone. Sex and pills. 

About 10 mystery pills, 6 shots of vodka and countless beers later, Tyler phoned Josh, mainly because his inhibitions were completely fucked. 

“Hey...Josh bro.....oh my God...I’m so high right now....this nice guy has been giving me pills all night and now he wants to walk me to his place and he asked if I had any friends so I said you and he asked me to phone you....haha...weird.....oh.....oh my God.....I have four hands wow......ha everything is spinning......this is messed up.....Josh......I don’t like this......it’s no fun......Josh?....I’m scared.....fuck......” Tyler stuttered as he started to cry. 

“Stay. Don’t go with him. I am coming to get you okay. We can go to mine. It’s safe there. Don’t do this again”

“Why? Why? Maybe I wanted to feel something other than numb, without slicing open my wrists....Is that so wrong? I’m just sick of myself....of hurting you....of fucking you over time and time again....being so weak and pathetic that I have to do this.....to hurt....to   
bleed.....I just need a time out from all this shit....you know....what I wouldn’t give for a whole hour of happiness. Just an hour Josh....fuck even 20 minutes”

“Hey, I’m coming....just stay on the phone....where are you right now?”

“In that bar, the one where we met that kid with glasses who kept hitting on you and you were all, I just wanna hang out with my best friend. He was hot Josh, you should have left with him”

“You really don’t get how great you are do you?”

“Can we not do this? I’m so fucking high!”

“Yeah all right, talk in person....I’m five minutes away”

*7 minutes later*

“I’m here....let’s go home...let’s get you home”

“Josh, you don’t get it do you....I’m too weak....I promised myself I would stop.....stop dragging you into this....and look how long I lasted”

“Don’t I get a say in whether I am with you or not?”

“No...it’s not like that....it’s just that I’m too weak to keep you safe”

“Or you are too strong to give up on yourself” exclaimed Josh as he pulled Tyler into a strong embrace and Tyler shook like a leaf in his arms for a while.   
Then, Tyler responded, so quietly that Josh, standing right next to him could barely hear it. “So fucking weak”

To which Josh responded “So inspiringly brave” in a that-was-that kind of way.


End file.
